the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
