I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
