Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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