I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
