He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
