Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
