Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
