The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
