life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
