Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
