Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
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I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
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Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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