I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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