I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
