You just made me feel so damn special
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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