i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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