Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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