ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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