I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
