Your dad touched me again.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
