Someone shit on the floor
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
