You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
