I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
