plz talk dirty to me
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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