she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
