I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
