Ambien. No doubt about it.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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