I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
