Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
