So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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