I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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