remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
