Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
As shirtless as possible
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
