I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
