there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
