Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
