I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
