You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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