Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
