She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
