just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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