loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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