I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
