My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't trust your balls anymore.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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