So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
