I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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