How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
