Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
