You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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