Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
