I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
