it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
