we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
