I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
