o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
