i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
