I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
