Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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