just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
