im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
