So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
