I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
