A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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