Just cropdusted the office
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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