I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
