First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
