THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
