Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
