Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
