there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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