I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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