The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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