He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
